Perplexitees in 2020

Posted by Anonymous of Jacksonville on

Well, isn't this a nice surprise? Perplexitees running on Shopify: who could have imagined it? Not us when we started this shitshow in 2011. Let's take a step back and figure out how we got here.

The Spreadshirt Problem

Here's a not-so-closely guarded secret: for the past decade, Perplexitees has been a semi-covert Spreadshirt storefront. At first, we offered subtle shirts at stupid cheap prices. Most of the time we were able to keep shirts at or below ten bucks if the design only had one color. Sure, the shirts weren't the best quality, but at least the designs never faded (vinyl beats plastisol).

Spreadshirt was a great partner to Perplexitees for years, providing us with a platform that made sense, wasn't too frustrating and let us be unique in our own way. We were happy with the service they provided, even while they slowly ramped up prices. It wasn't long until $10 became an impossible price point, but folks accepted slightly higher prices and we lowered our commission (from a dollar or two per shirt to paltry cents). Eventually things got a little weird, with forced storefront designs that prevented us from hiding things we didn't want people to see, but we found a way around that too with a custom Wordpress site.

The situation was tolerable...until it wasn't.

Over the past year, Spreadshirt has some some really weird shit with their backend. Let's call it a "Web 3.0" redesign. In short, our ability to control the types of products we sell and how they are sold has been almost completely obfuscated. We still have basic control over the storefront, but it appears that Spreadshirt has chosen to cater to a bunch of fucking morons. Their backend is now irritatingly simple, handholdy and lacking in advanced features we used to take for granted. We can technically still make it work, but why bother?

Why not...start over?

The Isekai Solution

Moving to Shopify gives us a chance to start over; a chance to introduce one design at a time in the very best ways possible. We're not going to flood Perplexitees with everything we've ever made all at once. That would be terrible. We're going to play the hits instead. Yes, that means some folks are going to be disappointed that they can't buy Dickwolves shirts in time for PAX this year. Sorry. We'll get around to it, we promise.

Perplexitees' entire concept is based on subtle designs that people can wear outside to avoid immediate condemnation by society. Our designs are almost entirely hand-drawn in Adobe Illustrator or Photoshop. We try to make things we would want to own, which means no dumbass memes on coffee mugs. You'll have to buy your ahegao compilation hoodies somewhere else.

We will continue to attempt the straddle the line between boutique bullshit and mass market pricing. Some stuff might not be perfect for a while, but given time we will find our footing. Perplexitees will be around as long as there exist weebs who still give a shit about suppressing their powerlevel.

- AoJ


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